I am beginning to feel that Ebenezer Scrooge was right all along, and that Christmas really is a lot of old bah humbug!
So, lets look at the quintessential Christmas card which often depicts our most lovable of birds the Robin, as he look resplendent hopping about on beautiful snow covered holly, rather than perching on the top of a half-eaten McDonald’s bag and why I I secretly swear under my breath when people ask me if I have done all my Christmas shopping yet!
How many times has a family member said, ‘Let’s not do gifts this year’? Don’t believe them, it’s a trap and that bloody Elf on the Shelf will not be welcome in my house anytime soon. Have you seen that little critter? He’s that creepy little git that sneaks into your home at Christmas, causing all manner of havoc. If he is spotted in our house, I have told the husband to shoot to kill.
Neither can I venture outside without being bombarded by inflatable plastic Snowmen and lit up reindeer that look as though they have just staggered home from the office party.
Even though we have long enough to prepare for the festive swapping of presents, I can never master the look of excitement when I open the packaging, to find yet another set of bath bombs when I haven’t even got a bloody bath!
Every Sainsbury’s, Tesco and Asda has Wham belting out Last Christmas over their tannoy and if I hear Slade screaming ‘It’s Christmas’, one more time I swear I will hit someone over the head with a crusty loaf and for those of you who shop in Sainsbury’s Weymouth branch, you will know that they can cause serious damage!
Even Marks and Sparks has the fair share of ruffians at this time of year and when I popped into Waitrose the other day, I was rammed by what looked like an eighty year old library assistant on speed, as she aimed her trolly like an Exocet missile into my posterior.
Yes, Christmas does seem to be clawing its way further and further into the year, but I absolutely promise not to be the grouchy woman that ruins your cheer. I will stop regarding the festivities as rampant commercialism and I will learn to love those pesky little pine needles that fall from the tree and decapitate your toes. I will also learn to embrace those little presents that nobody wants, if you promise to give me the receipt so I can exchange them for something I really want, or even better, get a refund!